If Tomorrow Never Came
by Asha-Kaberrt
Summary: Dazai breaks the serene environment built around them with a single question: "What would you do if tomorrow never came?" What is Atsushi's answer? Or, rather, what is Dazai's answer to his own question?


**Author's note:** Hey guys! Just something to keep in mind while reading this- this whole event happens before the Guild's attacks and pretty early on in the story when Atsushi has freshly joined the Armed Detective Agency. Enjoy!

* * *

Atsushi slunk down on the chair, exhausted from the rush the whole agency had to go through today. They had all worked overtime trying to catch a dangerous terrorist, and now the moon was peeking up from the horizon. Everyone had started packing their bags, ready to finally head home for the night to get a good night's sleep after a job well done. Atsushi, though, who had been in charge of capturing the criminal and bringing him back was spent and needing to give his legs a rest for some time before he could stand up.

The sounds in the background started fading away. He vaguely remembered Kunikida asking him not to doze off right now because they would lock the place up with him still inside, but fatigue won him over and the warning just sunk into the void of voices as his eyelids felt heavier and heavier by the second, until they finally fluttered shut.

When he finally woke up, there was not a soul other than himself in the office. Moonlight flooded in through the windows and bathe the room in a ghostly silver colour. The silence felt eerie; out of place. Atsushi was used to the office being noisy, and livelier than a circus. The same office being so silent and dark and tranquil just didn't seem right. Atsushi stood up, slowly, a shiver running down his spine. He quickly started clearing up his things, hoping - wishing - that they hadn't locked him inside. Just as he was nearly done, he saw a yellow sticky note on his desk, which he didn't remember putting there. He picked it up to take a closer look at it. It read:-

 ** _"Did you know that the moon_**

 ** _looks most beautiful_**

 ** _from the office building's rooftop?"_**

Atsushi had a slight idea as to who might have written that note. There was only one person he knew that wouldn't straightforwardly state "come to the roof". He finished packing his bag and headed there.

* * *

The first thing Atsushi noticed was the moon. Just as stated in the note, the moon really did look beautiful. It was huge and shone white-silver in all it's glory, and you could witness it perfectly from this spot. The whole rooftop was laid bare in the moonlight, not quite as bright as in the day, but just bright enough to see everything around him, and yet not hurt his eyes. The late night breeze blew past him, ruffling his hair, cool against his skin. If the office had unsettled him, then the rooftop had calmed him down. He closed his eyes for a moment and took in a deep breath. The cold air tickled his nose. He let out his breath. Warmth came surging back.

Suddenly, he remembered why he came here in the first place and opened his eyes in search for the person. He looked left and right but he was nowhere to be found. After some time passed, he finally found him perched on top of the water tank. He was sitting with his back to Atsushi. The moonlight outlined his frame, forming a silhouette that was easy to recognise. His brown hair was blowing in the wind. Each strand moving with such coordinated grace, it made Atsushi want to reach out his hand and feel their silkiness himself. He remembered how fluffy they usually look, and wondered how soft they would be to his touch. If it had to do with appearance, then there was no flaw when it came to Dazai. His features were absolutely striking. His eyes seemed as if they could look right through you. They held a certain mischievous glint in them, as if Dazai was always up to something - which he was. They could turn from serious, to kind, to carefree and back to serious in a matter of seconds. Atsushi always loved Dazai's eyes the most, because he felt that they were the most expressive ones he had ever seen. If his eyes weren't enough to charm someone, his perfect nose - do you know how hard it is to have a perfect nose? - and his full lips that almost always showed off a stunning smirk added to those eyes, creating the most handsome face Atsushi had ever seen. Not only his face, but Atsushi had come to respect all of Dazai's body. His hair; his height; his long arms in which Atsushi could only dream of being held; his long, graceful, artist-like fingers, that could hold on firmly, never letting go, at some times, but be so gentle, as if afraid to break him with a feather-touch, at other times; his amazing long legs; everything about him seemed perfect.

 _Well… probably everything except his personality…_ Atsushi thought with a soft giggle, scared to break the peaceful silence. He went over to the water tank and climbed it to sit next to Dazai. The moon looked even better from up here.

'It looks stunning, doesn't it?' Dazai whispered to Atsushi without turning towards him, probably afraid of breaking the silence as well.

Atsushi nodded. 'It really does look beautiful. I never even knew…' He trailed off, too absorbed in the view.

Dazai finally turned to face him. 'If I hadn't been tired of waiting for you to wake up, I probably wouldn't have either.' He grinned. 'Good thing it was my turn to lock up the place today.'

Atsushi mumbled an apology. Dazai had to wait here so long all because of him, just because he was too tired to walk home. 'You could've just woken me up…'

He shrugged. 'Didn't want to. You seemed really tired when you returned, so it would've been rude of me to wake you up. Plus,' he turned to Atsushi again. This time, Atsushi was facing him, too, and was able to see Dazai's features as they were illuminated in the silver moonlight. He looked even more beautiful than usual. The way some of his face was highlighted in silver while the other fell in shadows gave him an angel-like look, and Atsushi found himself unable to break his stare, as Dazai continued, 'you looked so peaceful, it would've been a shame to disturb you.' Atsushi felt his face heat up without understanding exactly why. He quickly turned his face downward, hoping that Dazai hadn't noticed it.

The two of them sat in silence for a long while, looking at the horizon. The moon kept rising higher and higher, as the sound of the vehicles below became softer and softer, and the minutes kept passing by. But for the two of them, none of these small details mattered. To them, time might as well have frozen still. They didn't need to speak, nor do anything. They were happy the way they were, because sometimes, just sitting beside that one person is enough for you.

Dazai was the first person to break this calm that had developed around them. 'Hey, Atsushi?'

'Hm?'

'What would you do if tomorrow never came?'

Atsushi whipped his head towards Dazai. 'What?!' He didn't understand what Dazai meant by that, and he almost didn't like the way it sounded. Plus, it didn't exactly seem like the right thing to say in this situation with such a tranquil air around them…

'I mean… What if you learned that tomorrow was… let's just say "the end of the world" for now. And that today was the last day of your life. What would you do?' He kept looking at the moon as he said that, which had long since traveled past their eye level.

'Uhh…' Atsushi was lost for words. He hadn't expected this. He hadn't expected it at all… 'I uhh… I guess I would want to live all my dreams and fulfil all my wishes today, then?'

'Hm. That's a common but reasonable answer…' Dazai trailed off as he pondered about this, and for a moment, Atsushi thought that the silence had returned again, but then Dazai continued. 'So, what _is_ your dream? Or dreams?'

'Huh?' Atsushi said, unintelligently, not being able to grasp the topic after the long silence.

'The ones you want to live.' He replied, turning to look Atsushi in the eyes. 'Or the wishes you want to fulfil. What are they?'

Atsushi stared into his eyes for a while, unable to answer. It almost felt like Dazai could see right through him, that it didn't matter whether he replied or not, because Dazai already knew the answer. _There's no way he can do that._ Atsushi told himself, trying to convince himself. He swallowed a ball of knots that had formed in his throat and finally said, 'Well…' He thought about it for a split second. In that time, his brain swept through his memories, his thoughts, his fears, and he came to one, and one conclusion only. He cleared his throat. 'Well, I only have one wish, really.' He looked back up at Dazai who was looking eagerly at him. 'And, well, it's not exactly the kind of wish you can fulfil in a day.' He finished, looking apologetic.

'Oh? And what kind of a wish is that?' Dazai raised his eyebrows.

'Uhh.. Well…i-'

'WAIT! NONONONONONONO!' He suddenly shouted, frantically waving his arms, startling Atsushi. Till now, they had been so speaking softly, suiting their atmosphere, that the sudden raise in voice made his heart jump up into his throat. Even now it was beating really fast, threatening to jump out of his chest. 'Ah!' Dazai said, realising his mistake. 'I'm so sorry!' He apologised, taking on a softer tone again. 'I… uh… just kinda got over-excited…' He rubbed the back of his head, looking like a guilty little kid. Atsushi found it endearing and his heartbeat started to calm down by a little.

'Over-excited about what?' Atsushi asked.

Dazai jumped a little as if he just remembered. 'Ah! That's right!' He shifted a bit to his right to slightly face Atsushi. His eyes glinted. 'Let me guess your wish!'

Well, that caught Atsushi off guard. It was a childish request, the kind he would normally expect from Dazai, it's just that he had not expected such a serious yet calm atmosphere to change to such an amusingly childish one so quickly. He blinked. 'Uhh… ok?'

Dazai rubbed his palms together. 'Ok, then…' He looked into Atsushi's eyes, and it almost felt like he was looking right into his soul. Atsushi felt a shiver crawl down his spine. They were far enough apart, so why did this moment feel so intimate? Maybe because it was a secret. No one other than them knew that they were here, right now. No one could disturb this moment. They had each other to themselves right now. No one to judge them, except for the stars and the moon. No one else besides them, except the chilled air drifting by in a relaxing silence. Dazai used his forefinger and thumb to tilt Atsushi's head slightly upwards - Atsushi could feel a spark where he rested them - and smirked soon after. Like he had found what he was looking for.

'Ahh…' He exhaled, knowingly. 'Of course.' He let go of Atsushi's chin, for which Atsushi was glad, because a moment longer, and his face would have become noticeably red, even in the dark. He sat back again, and only then Atsushi realised that Dazai had bent forward; that they had actually been quite close. His face heated up. 'The weretiger's one and only wish…' He never broke eye contact with Atsushi. His smirk turned into a smile as his features eased. 'Is to protect those close to him, and to be worthy of protecting them.'

Atsushi's eyes went wide. That was exactly what he had wished for. If anyone told him now that Dazai could not read someone's thoughts, then he would slap them right across their face because, obviously, he could. 'H-how did-'

'You're easy to read, Atsushi-kun.' Dazai answered without waiting for him to complete. 'You're quite naïve and predictable.' He turned towards Atsushi. He had a warm smile on his face. 'It's actually really adorable.'

Atsushi's cheeks felt hot; burning hot. He pursed his lips together, nervous, not knowing what to think. He gripped his pant cloth to stop his hands from shaking. His heart beat painstakingly fast. Dazai turned his eyes back up towards the moon, which had almost travelled to right on top of them by now. Atsushi laid down, his neck finally beginning to hurt, and looked up at the night sky. He started counting the number of stars in the sky, but after the 11th count, be stopped because he couldn't find anymore. He frowned. This would've looked so much more beautiful had their been more stars in the sky… He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. _If tomorrow never came…_ He thought. Suddenly, a question popped up in his mind.

He turned to Dazai. 'What about you?'

'Hm? What about me?' Dazai asked, now lowering himself to lie down beside Atsushi.

'What would you do? If tomorrow never came?'

His eyes seemed to glint at the idea, and Atsushi felt like he shouldn't have asked. 'Why, of course, I'd go searching for a beautiful lady to commit a double suicide with!'

Atsushi scoffed and then shook his head. 'I should've seen that one coming…'

'Mhm!' Dazai nodded. 'Yes, you should have, Atsushi! How will you become a detective like this?!'

 _A detective, huh…_ Atsushi thought. Ever since joining the Agency, there had only been two times Atsushi had anything to do with a case, and he had done absolutely nothing during both those situations.

He sighed. 'The way things seem to be proceeding, I doubt I'm ever going to need any detective skills.'

He felt his head being patted. He let Dazai continue doing so, though. 'Don't worry… I promise this'll all end soon.'

Atsushi smiled. And then suddenly said, 'but if you die, then you won't be able to see that end.' He surprised himself by saying that, he didn't even want to know what Dazai must be thinking. Still, he built up the courage to turn his head to look at Dazai.

Dazai's hand had stopped patting him. His eyebrows were raised. He looked surprised as well, but not the kind of dreaded surprised. More like amused surprised. 'Oh?' Yes. He sounded amused for sure. 'Are you talking me out of suicide now?'

Atsushi didn't say anything for some time. When he finally opened his mouth, words starting to flow out easily, as if they weren't coming from his mouth, as if he wasn't the one thinking them. 'Well, if the world was going to end tomorrow, then it doesn't really matter if you don't commit suicide, right? I mean, you are going to die tomorrow anyway, so might as well live today.'

'Hmm.' Dazai hummed, as if actually considering it. 'Well, if it's going to end tomorrow anyway, how does it matter if I die today, right now, or tomorrow? What's the point of living for just a day?'

'Oh, but, there _is_ no point in living.' Atsushi suddenly blurted out, sitting up. This time, it was Dazai's turn to be surprised. 'Living is an option.' Atsushi continued, much to his own surprise. 'A choice. There is a point to existing. You are given birth to, you grow up, give birth to someone else, then die. The person you have birth to, then follow the same monotonous cycle. _Living_ , on the other hand, is a completely different concept, but only the people who are living their lives really know the difference between the two. And they almost never care enough about it to tell you. They are too busy enjoying their lives.'

Dazai just stared up at him. It must have been a bit of a shock to hear that from him. For a long while they just stared at one another, only breaking their stare for a second during a blink. Then Dazai spoke, the thin, straight line of his lips morphing into a smile.

'I see what you're trying to say, Atsushi-kun. It was actually said well. However,' he looked past Atsushi, towards the heavens, 'I would like to die now, while I have these wonderful memories.'

'Ah, but, that's the thing about future, no?' Atsushi's voice softened with knowledge beyond his years. 'You never know what's going to happen. What if even more happiness awaits youf in the future? If you die now, you'll miss all of that.'

'And risk getting hurt along the way? I'm not so sure.' He looked almost forlorn. Atsushi wasn't used to seeing him this way. He had seen Dazai be annoying, cheerful, sly, even threatening, but never sad…

'You won't get hurt.' Atsushi stated, with confidence he wasn't sure where he got from. 'I don't know how it was when you were in the mafia, but now you are not alone. You have the Agency with you. You have people who will protect you if you ever get in danger. Even if they don't show it, they all care very deeply about you.' He paused. 'And even I do.'

That was when Dazai finally decided to look at Atsushi in the eyes. His eyes had widened with surprise.

'I'm glad to hear that, Atsushi-kun.' His features softened as he sat up as well. 'But, like you said, there's only so much point in existing, and the way my life is right now, I can't really find a way to live. Well, not the kind you call it, at least.' He smiled that forlorn smile again.

'That's not true. No matter who you are. No matter where you are or what is happening around you, you can always find a way to live.' Atsushi declared. He looked Dazai right into his eyes. He didn't know that he would be able to ever do that, but here he was, looking right at Dazai with confidence and determination. Dazai was looking back at him with uncertainty in his eyes. It was unsettling to see his saviour look like that. He reached out his hand toward Dazai's, clasping it in his. Dazai's eyes widened by just a bit, his eyebrows raised upwards, almost touching. He looked like a lost puppy. Atsushi gave his hand a slight, reassuring squeeze. He smiled at him, a warm, endearing smile. It made Dazai widen his eyes, if only by a tiny bit. He didn't look lost anymore. No. In fact, he looked like a puppy, whose fur had been drenched because of sitting through a storm in a cardboard box, that had finally been picked up by a young boy, in search for a friend. A puppy who now clung to that boy who had saved him that day as if he was his lifeline.

Resting his free hand on top of Dazai's clasped hand, he whispered, as if it was a secret only they were allowed to hear, too intimate to share to the rest of the world: 'And, if tomorrow never came, then I would spend whatever remaining time we have of today, to show you how to live.'

* * *

 **Author's note:** Hello, once again, everyone! I know that in my last fanfiction I had asked you to watch out for dazai x atsushi fanfictions, and then ended up not publishing anything... This fanfic has actually been sitting in my google docs (yes I use google docs) for months now and I couldn't get myself to post it, always thinking that it wasn't ready just yet. However, after so many months, I realised that it was about time I post this. So here it is, my first fanfiction in quite some time now.

Also, in case you're wondering what happened to my shizaya fanfics, I have been writing a few. The problem is that I can never get myself to complete one before starting yet another. I have, finally, written a shizaya one shot that I will be publishing soon, hopefully. It just needs a little more improvement and final touch-ups and all the stuff.

And, like always, if you find any error in this fanfiction, do comment and tell me so I can edit and improve it. If you have any general comment about my writing, do comment about that, too. After all, I'm only an amateur fanfiction author, so I'm bound to make mistakes.

Thank you so much for reading this and I hope you all have a good day and night~

 **[Creds for the original pic:- /entry/group/93455974]**


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